Big Interview: Fostering vulnerable kids is a great way of ‘giving back’, say Kildare carers

Tusla is seeking foster parents in County Kildare to care for vulnerable children and teenagers.

The appeal follows just after the Child and Family Agency launched its National Fostering Week for 2022.

Gerry Murphy, a Kildare resident and experienced foster parent, spoke to the Leinster Leader to discuss why foster care is so important.

The 62-year-old, who is originally from Santry but lives in Naas, was first asked to consider fostering children by his wife some 22 years ago.

"My wife wanted to give something back; she has so much love and empathy in her that way," he explained.

Gerry added that while he was initially was reluctant, especially as their own children were younger at the time, he eventually came around to the idea.

"I just never thought of fostering children, but I knew that my wife could handle anything," he added.

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LIASING WITH TUSLA

Commenting on his relationship with Tusla over the years, he described it as mostly positive: "We’ve had certain differences about what’s in the best interest for the child in foster care; after all, we’re the ones who are with the child 24/7.

"However, the thing you must always remember is that the child is the most important part, as their future is at stake."

Gerry also revealed that he meets regularly with different foster families, for both social events and workshops, and that he and his wife have taken in different age groups and from different cultural backgrounds.

He elaborated: "You get to love the kids... you build up a relationship with them, and they become part of your family, I still keep in touch with many of them.

"I don’t think there’s anything better than helping them build their confidence and self-esteem up, and to give them the security of a good home... you feel like you have made a difference.

"After all, from day one, you are sussing that kid out, and they’re sussing you out, and a lot of the time, kids from difficult backgrounds have been so used to a different way of life.

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"Kindness doesn’t always come first to them, kindness is as hard to accept as abuse, in that sense, so you have to flip it," he explained.

"You do get attached with the kids, and you do miss them when they go: it can be hard, especially for young children."

He relayed one touching story of fostering two young brothers who hoarded items, ranging from jewellery to slices of bread and biscuits.

It later turned out that the two boys wanted to give them as gifts to their mother for the next time they would see her.

"I remember bringing the two boys to Dublin Zoo, and they were covered in the jewellery... they were like Mr T!" he said.

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ADVICE

As for advice he would give those considering into taking up foster care, Gerry said: "You’ve got to want to do it, and try to get as much information about it as you can, and talk it over with your partner.

"At the end of the day, the social worker can only do so much, you have to know how properly deal with a crisis.

He continued: "You also have to introduce your children to the concept, too... some cases didn’t work out positively, but on the most part it was, and many times we’ve been told that we have made these children more tolerant and empathetic people.

"It’s about using your head and your heart... if you are a couple who have time and empathy and love to give, you’re perfect for it, but I will add, go in with your eyes open.

"Don’t think it will be a stroll in the park, because it can be challenging, but I can tell you one thing, I have learned from it as a person, and so has my wife and children."

He concluded: "When the foster children grow up and become successful and fulfilled people in their own right... I can’t think of anything better, I really can’t."

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TUSLA PERSPECTIVE

Sean Edmunds, a social worker with Tusla for the Kildare and West Wicklow area (KE/WW) based in Naas, also spoke to the Leader, and appealed for people 'who have time and space' to help vulnerable children and teenagers.

He explained: "We have referrals every week; some stay for short periods of time, others stay for longer periods of time.

"However, the emphasis right now is on finding foster parents for teenagers, especially those who are at risk of potentially becoming homeless."

Sean also said that Tusla is open to same-sex couples and those from different ethnic backgrounds as foster parents.

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He explained: "Tusla is looking for safe, loving homes; it’s not about having a 'traditional' nuclear family."

Sean also revealed that Tusla’s Kildare and West Wicklow region has three support teams, in addition to an out of hours service.

There are around 120 foster parents in Kildare, with a total of 4,000 foster parents and 5,500 children and teenagers in foster care nationwide.

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MORE PARENTS NEEDED

Commenting on the Fostering Week, which took place last week, Sean said: "The foster parents that we have at Tusla fantastic, but we need more of them.

"We are struggling to find foster parents, and there is a general increase across the board, especially for babies and teenagers.
He continued: “Training can be arranged for those who wish to foster children or teens with disabilities.

"I would also advice those interested to seek supports wherever necessary from the three support teams.

"Seek as much information as possible, talk to fellow foster parents and to the KE/WW team."

He added: "Thankfully, we have had lots of positive cases and great correspondence between foster parents and social workers.

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"What matters is providing that warmth in your heart and the space in your home in order to make these children and teenagers feel secure."

Sean echoed Gerry’s sentiments of the importance of the foster child’s welfare, saying: "A good foster parent will always put the child first."

"It always makes me happy to see a foster child smile and succeed in life," he concluded.

Further information about fostering children and teenagers with Tusla can be found by visit tusla.ie.

In addition, you can also freephone1800 226 771 or email tusla.fostering@tusla.ie.