Big Kildare Interview: Men’s group aims to shed awareness on spirituality, positive mental health

It should go without saying that in the 21st Century, the concept of what it means to 'be a man' has changed.

In many ways, this is a positive and progressive thing; however, it can also create a massive anxiety and sense of uncertainty in many men (of all ages and cultures), who may feel that they do not have a place in the world.

These men often feel like no one out there understands them, and that they are alone.

If they feel this way, then perhaps Men As Leaders and Elders (MALEs) Ireland could be a suitable outlet for them.

First established 10 years ago, MALEs Ireland notably carries out what are known as 'rites'.

Its logo features an image of a man being swallowed by a great whale, a reference to the Biblical parable of 'Jonah and the Whale.'

According to its website, this involves a five day process where men will experience 'facets of soul life', such as drumming, performing rituals, sitting by the fire, embracing silence, working together small groups, traversing the wilderness, having solo-time, and more.

Speaking to the Leinster Leader, member Mark said about MALEs Ireland: "We gather as men, married or single, and openly share about our life and what we are working towards; the strength is the sharing."

He also said that the group does not rely on any public or business funds.

Although the website of MALEs Ireland says it is centred around 'the promotion of a strong and healthy male spirituality' and its logo, Mark said that the group 'accepts all creeds, faith and none', in addition to accepting men of all backgrounds, sexual orientations, races, age and physical abilities.

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THE RITES

Commenting on the meaning behind the logo, member Mark Smyth said that it is linked in to the 'rites' practised by members of MALEs Ireland: "The story of Jonah being swallowed by the whale has been mentioned in the past as a metaphor at the rites."

"It refers to a time away from family and cell phones, that includes time in the wilderness.

"The days of the rites are now more commonly described as liminal space, and men reappear with a clear perspective."

He continued: "The men’s rites were once a tradition within every civilisation. They still continue in the US, Ireland, Germany Austria, Latvia and the UK, as well as various Indigenous populations across the continents.

"The rites are different for everybody, and the feedback is mostly of a significant life event; it is usually led by an experienced weaver from the US or UK, along with an Irish support team of 12, who begin preparations and meetings 10 months before the event.

"For team members, it’s a privilege and time well spent, and further depth gained themselves."

Mark also explained that the group holds a meeting in the Monread Community Centre in Naas every second Monday at 7.30pm.

He said: "It has been running since July. Men come together, share, listen and spend time in silence.

"Men can share without any judgement, commentary or group hierarchy. There is nobody unpacking afterwards what is shared.

"We all respect it as a place to be heard."

The official logo of MALEs Ireland. Photo: https://www.malesireland.ie/

Another member of the group, Paul, also spoke to the Leader about his experience of being in the group: "After I first became aware of the group, I went on a five-day journey of reflection (with MALEs Ireland) back in the summer of 2021.

"For me, it was one of three or four things in life I will remember for a long, long time.

"It was 'me time' for five-days, but I was also in the company of other men who were all on a sort of 'quest': a quest to understand their place in the world, why they were given life, and how difficult, yet also, beautiful life can be.

"It was a space where men could be vulnerable with themselves and with each other.

"In this modern civilised world of consumerism and social media, we have forgotten who we really are and what truly matters."

However, Paul emphasised that it is 'not a self-help group.'

He explained: "It’s more like a collection of individuals who are all reflecting on the larger things in life, trying to make the most important journey they will ever make: their life’s journey... People who notice the smell of the air and the sound of voice of the person they are talking to.

"It’s a great collection of people to listen to, and to be listened too.

"You hear so much about yourself reflected in the stories of other men."

When asked about the kind of activities the group does, Paul said: "We sit in silence, we beat drums, we listen, we talk from the heart.

"We meet in small groups and larger groups, at different times of the year."

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As for his advice to any male who wishes to join the group, but who is perhaps anxious about sharing their emotions or experiences, he had this to say: "Ask yourself what you are afraid of... Get comfortable with that fear, and learn to see warmth in it.

"If you feel like going down a different road, come sit in our circle and listen.

"You’ll hear everything you need to hear."

He also said that there is no membership required for the group — as he succinctly puts it: "No membership, no counting, no tracking.

"It’s your life, your journey. Who am I to say what the true way really is?

"You give your time to what is important."

When asked about the topic of male mental health, in relation to the group, Paul reiterated that while it is not a self-help group, he added: "We all have demons and pain... You rarely go through life without being damaged and without damaging others.

"The people I met in our group are mostly trying to centre themselves, become more aware of themselves, and understand their position in the universe, and that can only be good for one’s mental health."

In particular, Paul also commenting on his love of drumming and how the group’s use of it has benefitted him: "I feel it’s a good way to change your mental state, to move your mind away from the busy nature of life.

"Drumming is both reminiscent of the mother’s heartbeat, and also the simplest tribal musical instrument played throughout the ages.

"Maybe we should all drum more, talk less, and listen to what the drums have to say!" he concluded.

To conclude, MALEs Ireland’s ethos of simultaneous pride and humility, with an end goal of self-assuredness as a male, is arguably best summed up with the following quote contained on the homepage of its website: "A young man who cannot cry is a savage; an old man who cannot laugh is a fool."

For further information about MALEs Ireland, visit https://www.malesireland.ie/.

Alternatively, you can contact Paul on 085-729-9192.