The man himself
It’s been a long time since we were in contact, Big Fella, probably my fault, may have lost faith in you over the last few years as few, if any, of my (modest) requests came to pass but I said to myself recently, I might drop you a line and, who knows, you just might be able to pull a stroke or two.
Of course ‘stroking’ has gone out of fashion these days, now that we have become all politically correct, transparent and all that sort of rubbish.
Now you know as well as I do there is nothing wrong with pulling the odd auld stroke, just make sure every Tom, Dick and Henrietta don’t know about it.
Sure look at the boys up in Kildare Street.
Now first of all I want to remind you that Kildare Street has absolutely nothing to do with us down here in the Shortgrass County.
No, Kildare Street, as you no doubt are aware, is where all the boys and girls with the real power hang out.
You know who I mean, the likes of Leo, Simon, Charlie and the rest of the Blueshirt Brigade; not forgetting Micheál and his Soldiers Of Destiny; the Laborites (big impression, can’t remember leader’s name); The Shinners (you couldn’t forget herself now could you); Eamonn’s Greens and those of other parties and none, the Ross Lad who is annoying the arse out of everyone from the judges to the boys in the back of beyonds who can’t even sup a glass of stout before bed time anymore.
You know, Santa, you thought you were the only one on this earth that could be in two places at the one time.
Not any more.
Just look at the guys and gals in ‘The House’ — some of those folks have the knack of being in two places simultaneously.
I cod you not, Santa.
They can be at funerals down the country while also in the place of power; they can vote when not in the tent; use a voting thingy when not sitting on their own designated stool; in the tent or out of the tent , it seems to matter little.
Anyway, I’m sure you get me drift.
But Santa, you might not even remember me. I’d say I haven’t dropped you a line since The Geezer left us, well he didn’t actually leave us, he was asked to go; no, Santa, I have to be truthful with you, he was pushed out.
Anyway that’s all water under the bridge but after that I seem to have lost touch with you and we have had no real luck in the intervening years.
Yes, we have had our good days, even dined at the top table for a season before being unceremoniously dumped back into the also-ran's division.
But now Santa, things are changing.
We have a new county board chairman, you probably remember him, he was very active in the McGeeney era.
Good lad though, Santa, a good lad and I have lots of hope for him but maybe, just maybe you might be able to give him a helping hand.
Nothing untoward mind you , just a bit of a dig-out as my good friend Bertie might say.
You see as well as having a new boss at the top table, we in Lilywhite Land also have a new lad in charge of team affairs.
Ah, you know this lad Santa.
A Jack of many successes.
No he is not one of our own, but has been knocking around these parts for a while now, in a bit of a part-time capacity with the only club in Kildare that has won two Leinster Clubs.
You have him now, I bet you.
Well Santa I just have two favours really to ask of you.
One might be somewhat out of your hands but I’m sure you can exercise a bit of ‘authority’, shall we say, and ask this particular fella, who holds the purse strings, for a project we are very anxious to get not just completed but started.
Now Santa you know that not too long ago we in Kildare hadn’t got a pot to you know what in, not a bloody farthing or for those younger guns these days, a blind cent.
Well all that has changed, Santa.
We have turned things around and while far from being as wealthy as the five-in-a-row brigade, we nevertheless have what could be described as a healthy (and growing) bank balance.
Needless to say it’s not enough to get our pet project over the line.
That’s where you can come in Santa.
You see we need someone to have a word with the Ross Lad.
You know the one I mean. If I mentioned the word Stepaside would that point you in the right direction.
Now you know there was a bit of spat a few years ago with the closing of a particular garda station in that particular area of the city.
Well anyway that is now up and running again, mainly due to a certain minister.
Anyway to make a long story longer that same minister has it in his power to give us the green light down here in the sticks in
You see it’s all systems go for a new revamped stadium in Newbridge.
Ah, yes, you remember now, Newbridge Or Nowhere from a year to two ago, well you see Santa that auld place needs more than just a lick of paint; the stand needs to be, shall we say, ‘redeveloped’ along with other works.
The plans are all in place; even some of the moola has been borrowed but there is one part of the project that is holding up the entire revamp.
That is the few bob we need to get our hands on; state funding, if you get me drift.
Now Santa, the man that can give us that extra bit of funding is none other than your man from Stepaside.
Are you with me now.
I’m fully aware one of Leo’s lads in this neck of the woods, Martin of the Heydon clan, who chairs odd gatherings of the Blueshirt Boys, is working hard and has promised the cash is in the pipeline.
Fair enough, but as you no doubt know, having a few bob in the pipeline is not the same as having the cash in hand; folk out there won’t work for money in the pipeline, if you get me drift.
So really Santa I’m just wondering if you have any influence, a bit of pull, power, call it what you like and get the Ross Lad to give us the green light and we could get the bloody thing started once and for all.
Do your best, please, Santa.
One other thing, when I have your ear.
Now you are probably aware that the Gavin lad has lifted his anchor and left The Dubs.
Ye, I agree with you, a change long overdue.
But it’s also time for another change besides the departure of the five-in-a-row hero.
Time for a change in Leinster (at least).
So I was just wondering if you get the chance, maybe you could put in a word for us from The Shortgrass county as we haven’t held the Delaney Cup here since 2000 and while we had it two years earlier as well, but before that it was back in 1956 when he last visited.
So I’m sure Santa you’ll agree the time is right for the Delaney lad to make his way down the M50 again.
And if you think that another cup by the name of Maguire that has not come our way since ‘28 would like to make a return visit, I can tell you we would give Sam a welcome he has not experienced for many a year.
Sure I will leave it in your hands.
I hope it’s not too much to ask.
The loosening of the purse strings to get Conleth’s up and running; maybe a visit of the Delaney Cup and sure if you want to make up the treble, all I can say is us folks here in Kildare love trebles.
Here’s to you.
All the best.
PS: And despite what all the do gooders say these days, I will leave your usual bottle of stout and mince pie in the same place I left them for you in ‘98 and 2000.