INTERVIEW: Maeve Leahy on coping, learning and moving on after abuser Tommy Howard is jailed

Last month, Tommy Howard, a respected Kildare GAA official and former All-Ireland Final referee was sentenced at Portlaoise Circuit Court to six years and nine months in prison for indecently assaulting his niece, Maeve Leahy, during the mid-1980s and 1990s.

Once the legal process had begun and long before she had to make the decision officially to waive her anonymity and name her abuser, Maeve had made her mind up and has remained steadfast in her goal to seek justice for “little Maeve” and add her story to the many that she read throughout her journey to this point.

“I always said to myself that if I ever got that far I would speak out and help others, to try and make a bad thing into a good thing. I just want to help others because other people’s stories helped me. If I can help even one more person it is worth it,” she said.

“I used to read them (other people’s stories) and think ‘oh they are so brave’ or ‘imagine doing it’ and it was inspirational. I am hoping this does the same.”

The abuse began when Maeve was three until the age of 11 and the now 46 year-old has chosen to tell her story and, for the benefit of others, explain how what happened has shaped her.

“I have been fighting with myself all my life. Trying to put it to the back of your head, trying not to think about it, but you can’t not think about. I used to say to myself ‘right, I’m not going to think about it tomorrow’ and then I’d get through the whole day and I’d lie in bed and say to myself that I didn’t think about it, but I did,” Maeve explained.

“It’s never far away, it’s always there in the back of your mind. It never goes away, not even when I was going through this process and started going to counselling and started to break it down in my head. I would be driving to work and things would go round and round, it was constant. Yet, when I would go into work it would be grand and then you’re at home making dinner, or doing things, but as soon as you are on your own, with your own thoughts, it is straight back in.”

Tommy Howard, from Old Kilcullen, was married to Maeve’s aunt, Theresa, who was a huge part of her life growing up in Newbridge.

She recalled: “We were all reared together, her two children were looked after in Newbridge with us when they were working. On the weekends, we were always with Theresa. They came in during the week when they went shopping, every Sunday they came in for Sunday dinner, they were constantly in our lives. We were like one big family unit and it was always like that, so that is where he had the access.”

Maeve’s life and world was shaped by the abuse she experienced for a period of time which made up most of childhood prior to her teenage years.

“Because I was so young when it started, I learned to live around this secret,” she explained. “I knew it was wrong, we lived with my granny and grandad and I never saw any of my relations even get changed. I never saw anything like that and we were all sharing one bathroom. They were your ‘private parts’. I knew I shouldn’t have been seeing what I was seeing when I was with him because I didn’t see it anywhere else. That’s how I knew it was totally wrong.

“I was so young and my mind just learned to cope with it because I had to be with this person all the time. I was about 11 or so (when it stopped), it was just before puberty. Once puberty hit, he didn’t want it anymore.”

The knowledge that something was deeply wrong was further realised in Maeve’s mind late into primary school when she became even more aware of the seriousness of what had been happening.

“I’d say when I got into late primary school I realised the severity of it. I think that was the first time I told one of my friends,” Maeve said.

During this time of abuse, Tommy Howard was a prominent and popular local GAA figure and officiated the 1993 All-Ireland Senior Football Championship Final between Derry and Cork.

Maeve recalled: “He was always the great lad and he was everywhere, on the telly, all over sport. My auntie, she was so proud of him, super proud of him because of all of that. She used to call me and say ‘come here and look at your uncle Tommy on the telly’ and my stomach would be (turning), but I would go in and look at it with her, for her. It was mad, but I didn't know any different, I grew up like that. When I look back now I think about how mad it was, we were such a close family, and nobody knew what was happening to me in the background.”

What stopped you from speaking out?
“It was the ‘blowing up the family’ thing. Throughout the years, family members died, Theresa died first then my grandad died and then my granny. So then I told one of my sisters, so all these people I was protecting from not knowing started to either die or find out. I used to call it ‘my wall’, but, once people started coming out of that wall, the wall got weak and eventually fell,” Maeve said.

Did it take a toll on your romantic relationships into your teens and beyond?
“Absolutely, and still (does). I feel secure with my husband, but it’s a thing of human intimacy, he (Tommy Howard) made it feel wrong. There was a connection between intimacy and wrong, even though it is the most natural thing in the world,” Maeve explained.

“I saw boys growing up and I started going out with my first partner when I was 16. I was with him for eight years, I had two children and then after him I had another relationship and another two children and then I met my husband. You can tell by the break-ups that it affected my relationships.

“I am still coping and still learning. I am still in counselling. Doing this (legal process) has helped in the fact that I know how bad it was and now he has gone to prison for it. Now I feel it’s time to help me, even though (knowing) that (he’s in prison) is still helping me.”

What helped you cope all of this time?
“People have asked me that and I don’t know. I kept myself busy with my children. I volunteered, I used to run a youth centre here (Newbridge). I was involved in the community, so that kept me busy. I went to Maynooth and did a community leadership development course. My mother used to say ‘Maeve slow down’ but I think that was my way of coping. If I kept myself busy, and the busier I was, the less time I had to think.”

How do you feel about him now?
“I was tormented all my life and now it’s his time with it. He is going to sit in there and know what he is in there for,” she said.

Does it feel like the end of something?
“Yeah…I never thought I’d ever get here. It is surreal that I am here and it is now registering in my head everything that is after happening. It is surreal because it is like somebody else did it and it is still like I am watching someone else do it,” Maeve explained.

“It is starting to register more. It’s coming up to Christmas now and I am starting to look forward to that because it is all the little one keeps talking about. The Toy Show was Friday so I have the tree up,” she grinned. “Once I have the tree up for the Toy Show is the main thing.”

Maeve discusses her experiences with an admirable honesty while keeping an astonishing wit and charm in conversation about any facet of her life. She hails activities like Riff Raff Drama Group and Dave Tiernan for helping her to find her voice.

“I started doing plays and I think that helped me to speak. I was part of a drama group (Riff Raff) that Dave Tiernan started and that was something else. At the Riverbank, in front of people, was a real ‘I can't believe I am doing this’, but I did it and did a couple of plays and got over that fear of speaking and talking aloud. All of those things throughout my life helped and, unbeknownst to me, got me to a place where I could talk. All the courses, all the plays, helped me to overcome my own insecurities of speaking aloud and then I ended up performing at the Riverbank,” she smiled.

“Before I did those plays, even talking to kids in the youth club I’d struggle and I thought ‘oh I’d never be a teacher’ and I have loads of teachers in my family. I got used to it and then I got roped into being in a play, was one of the lead parts, and it was great. Dave Tiernan writes them and he is brilliant.”

Maeve speaks with devotion about her family, her husband, children, and grandchild, as well as her three cats and dog who all play a part in the love and support that surrounds her.

Maeve said: “My children are amazing, they are all just brilliant. My family, my husband, and I have a great friendship network as well.

“I don’t have to keep myself as busy as I did because it is not that horrible thing anymore, now it’s ‘you did that now Maeve’ and he is where he is meant to be and you have to get on with your life.”

“I’m not sure what I am going to do next, but I’m sure I’ll do something,” she laughed.

Sure enough, Maeve mentioned that she spotted a poster recently where Irish youth organisation, Foróige, were looking for volunteers and now has her eye on further dedication of her time to others.

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