How I feel when I think of my new 'baby'
A good while back in this column, I asked if three really was the magic number. I was debating whether or not to have a third child.
Well I’m glad to announce that the third baby, the fifth member of the family, arrived in to the house a couple of weeks ago. And I don’t know how I ever lived without said baby!
It’s so attractive. It’s amazing. Beyond amazing actually. Indeed it’s everything I ever thought it would be and more.
Daddy Chambers’ catch phrase is ‘a happy wife equals a happy life’ and he made me the happiest wife in the world when he introduced me to the new baby of the family.
The new baby goes by the name of Dyson. Dyson Cyclone V10 Absolute to give it it’s full title. You hardly thought I had another human baby, did you?!
God no, I made my mind up on that a long time ago! Two is the magic number for me in terms of children. However, I have lusted after a Dyson for many moons now. Quite when I became the type of person that dreams of stick vacuums, I’m not sure, but here I am in all my middle-aged glory.
I know technically a Dyson vacuum has nothing got to do with parenting and this is a parenting column. However, over the last two weeks this machine has revolutionised my life and that of the kids in a way.
Aidan and Sarah don’t know what has come over me! Normally I tried to discourage them away from the box of cream crackers but that has all changed these days!
“Mammy can we have cream crackers” is now greeted with “of course you can my little darlings!” Jaysus, I’d even tell them to put the cream crackers on the floor and jump on top of them for the craic these days! Mess means I can pick up the new baby and skirt round the floors with it and nothing gives me more pleasure these days!
The new baby comes with loads of accessories, ones for vacuuming curtain, mattresses, in fact ones for reaching every single nook or cranny you could possibly think of. If you happen to come and visit I may even vacuum you up!
I have this shaggy rug in the sitting room that I love. However, I it was downright filthy before the new baby arrived. On the surface it looked grand but when I ran over it with the baby a shed load of PJ Masks stickers, little bits of Cheese Strings and good knows how many crumbs from cream crackers and breadsticks.
I always vacuumed it but my old machine never quite cut the mustard. Now the thing is gleaming, sticker and cream cracker free.
Aidan asked me the other day why I love my new ‘Hoover’ so much. I told him it’s because it cleans everything and I really emphasised the everything. He thinks I’m hilarious!
Indeed so too does Daddy Chambers. He is not allowed to use the new baby. I am the only person in the house allowed to us the new baby. My friends ask would I not be better off letting Daddy Chambers use it so I, at least, would be getting a hand with the house work. Hell no, I get such a kick out of using the new baby there’s no way I’m sharing the euphoria with anyone else!
I’m pretty sure using a vacuum cleaner does not make Daddy Chambers feel euphoric anyway! Not even in the slightest.
A few years ago I used to get excited about good gigs, city breaks and buying new make up. Now look at me! What the hell have I become? A new vacuum cleaner has made me deliriously happy. Is this a sign I need to get out more? Or is it just maturity?
Whatever it is, I don’t care! My life and family is now complete. As Daddy Chambers says, ‘a happy wife equals a happy life’!
Some women wish for diamonds. Some wish for a shopping spree in New York. However underneath it all I’m convinced a Dyson would make most women’s dreams come true. Well, maybe not the young ones but the ones with kids and a bit of a cleaning obsession!
Before I sign off for another week I wish to point out that I haven’t been paid by Dyson to write this column. It has genuinely come from the bottom of my heart. I’m in love, oh so in love and my world has been changed forever!
You can contact me on firstname.lastname@example.org; Twitter - @_itsjustaphase_; Instagram - @itsjustaphaseblog, or you’ll find more of my musings at www.itsjustaphase.ie.