26 Jun 2022

Kildare GAA's quest for Sam Maguire in 50 excuses

88 years of hurt

Kildare GAA's quest for Sam Maguire in 50 excuses

1998, when Kildare has their closest brush with Sam since 1928

Partly because there isn’t much live GAA happening and mainly because we reread Frank McNally's 'A history of Ireland in 100 excuses' recently, we offer Kildare’s quest for Sam in 50 excuses:

1. It was a square ball.

2. He was too fond of the drink.

3. And the horses.

4. Too much was made of them as young lads.

5. It’s financial doping.

6. He pulled his hamstring on the golf course the day before the All-Ireland.

7. “I said who’s going to win this game? WHO’S GOING TO WIN THIS GAME?” “You’d have to fancy the Dubs.” Hahahaha.

8. They didn’t train back then.

9. If it wasn’t Bernard Brogan it wouldn’t have been a free.

10. He had them over-trained and broken up — and we’re still paying off the debts.

11. He fell out with the county board and fell in with a couple of lads from Castlehaven.

12. Rugby/soccer/horse racing/canoe polo is too popular here.

13. Coppers, 18 nights in a row.

14. There are too many blow-ins here.

15. Sure the Dubs have an unreal pick.

16. We don’t attack in numbers.

17. The defensive is wide open.

18. Getting Seanie Johnston down was a disgrace and totally at odds with the ethos of the Association.

19. We’re way too nice.

20. Newbridge is a kip.

21. The County Board board are useless.

22. We have too many fair-weather fans.

23. I’m never watching them again.

24. The players don’t care enough.

25. Could you switch that over to the Sandown meeting there please Bill?

26. We need a Kildare man in charge.

27. Somebody needs to come in from the outside and sort the place out, root and branch.

28. No, we definitely need a Kildare man in charge.

29. No, not that Kildare man.

30. There are too many Moorefield lads on the panel.

31. There are too many Sarsfields lads on the panel.

32. There aren’t enough Newbridge lads on the team.

33. I saw that lad in Neeson’s two weeks before a game - you wouldn’t see a Dublin player doing that.

34. These drinking bans are ridiculous, the players are having no craic and it shows.

35. There’s a big difference between minor and senior.

36. We have no tradition of success.

37. There’s a good crop coming through ... It will be better in a few years.

38. He’s way better than Dermot Earley was at his age, I guarantee he’ll be an All-Star in his first season playing county.

39. He’s mental.

40. We have no self belief.

41. Of course we’ll beat Louth.

42. Structures.

43. Five-year plan.

44. Aussie Rules.

45. I'll just have the one so. 

46. A row between the board and the supporters club.

47. You can’t say that about the lads!

48. No, but I was watching it on the telly.

49. 1928… 88 years…

50. Is there definitely no curse, because I heard there was one?

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