It’s not easy to duck council candidates

Kildare County Council headquarters at Aras Chill Dara, Naas

Kildare County Council headquarters at Aras Chill Dara, Naas

It’s likely you’ll have had your fill of them by now; sloping towards your own personal piece of negative equity proffering pale smiles, glossy self promotion leaflets and timid handshakes.

More than once the doorbell has rung, signalling the arrival of another one just as the red-bricked chimney tops of Coronation Street’s terraced homes appeared on the TV.

It’s Kildare County Council election time this Friday, and the backside has fallen out of the country since this army of hopefuls last descended like locusts on wherever it is you live.

Some are gnarled veterans, others are a little more shiny and bright.

And they’re promising to fix things right and proper.

In Naas, they’ll tell you it’s time business was brought back into Naas town centre as you look on while retailer after retailer has closed down and you’re thinking that whatever the recession doesn’t take, the out of town shopping centres might well do.

At the outset it was a bit of a novelty as one or two arrived but now it’s clear there are many runners and it’s time for a strategy to get rid of them or at least keep the social intercourse to a minimum. Life, after all, is short enough.

You could sit in front of the TV with the curtains drawn but there’s a sneaking suspicion they might still be around if you decide to head out for a few tinnies.

Alternatively, you could go out and give them a piece of your mind but then you mightn’t know when to stop and regret the outburst.

The solution could be an amalgam of both.

And a little research has provided some help.

There’s only a couple of days left now but it might be worth getting stuck in, even as a dress rehearsal for the forthcoming General Election.

The next time a council election candidate calls, you just stay calm; go to the door, open it purposefully, fix them with a cold stare and tell them straight: “You matter less than an Anaheim Duck.”

That should rattle them back into their places.

We left a betting office in Naas last week with the grim news that no prices were available on the outcome of the council elections.

A tour of the website of a major betting corporation yielded little more.

Prices could be had on how the main political parties will perform on the May 23 poll but hardly any of the local candidates were mentioned at all.

This is curious because most bookmakers are willing to take a bet on just about anything, even a murder trial.

One even quoted prices on a National Hockey League (US) game between the Los Angeles Kings and the Anaheim Ducks. Personally I’ve heard of neither. It’s not exactly the Champions League, the All-Ireland football championship or the Epsom Derby.

But you could have had a punt on a fixture as obscure and irrelevant - in this corner of the planet - as this.

Council polls, it seems, just don’t matter.




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