Politics

Brian Cowen will resign as Taoiseach. He'll simply wake up one morning and think to himself: "Why the hell am I doing this job?" and call it a day. He'll go on to present a morning show on a midlands radio station. And then he'll be moved to a weekend slot after the ratings plummet.
The Greens will implode. Jackie Healy Rae will buy a new hat. Mary Coughlan will buy a new outfit. Swearing will be allowed in the Dail and it will resemble a scene from a Quentin Tarantino movie, but this will create huge interest in politics and we'll become a very politicially-aware society. Barack Obama will visit Ireland and discover that he has roots in Rathangan, which will instantly be twinned with Washington DC, giving a much-needed economic boost to the town. The rest of Kildare will become very jealous of Rathangan and not speak to it for months.

Sport

Dublin will be beaten in the All-Ireland football final. By a resurgent Wicklow. Managed by Roy Keane.
The World Cup will have the shadow of Ireland's absence looming over it and all the teams, except France, will observe a minutes silence before each game out of respect for the boys in green. Alex Ferguson will be forced to step down as manager of Manchester United after it's revealed that Ryan Giggs is in fact a robot and Fergie had been involved in a murky bioengineering project to create a race of supreme footballing androids. A jockey will win the Grand National, just like that funny ad for Weetabix.

Entertainment

Simon Cowell will buy a new pair of trousers. Westlife will release an album that, oddly enough, sounds uncannily similar to every album they've made in the past. Bono will quit U2 so he can focus his energies on meeting as many famous people and world leaders as he can. The high point will be having lunch with Dev from Coronation Street. "He's a great man, a special guy," Bono will enthuse.
Amanda Brunker will go away. But Podge and Rodge won't. The Rose of Tralee festival will introduce a swimwear round, much to the horror of Ray D'Arcy who claims he won't look good in one.

Other

We'll have a really wet summer. Apart from two lovely weeks of sunshine at the start of May. Newry will be invaded and colonised by people from Louth.
They'll put up the prices of everything to take advantage of the crowds flocking there. The local economy will subsequently collapse and the Louth people will plead with the Brits to take it back. I'll find the keys to my garage which I lost three weeks ago.
(The keys, not the garage. The garage is still there, but I just can't get into it.) A Californian cocktail waitress will become Tiger Woods mistress no. 378 as she reveals all to a shocked Joe Duffy. Finally, the NAMA plan will work, the country will come out of recession and we'll all be happy. Well, you have to hope don't you?